I could rename this post to a number of things, like “How to be Happy” or “How to Stay Sane”, but they all really boil down to one truth – be prepared to lose.
OK Dad, what are you talking about?
If we look at our lives they aren’t straight lines. They aren’t happy all the time, but they aren’t sad all the time either. Life bends and curves, it goes up and it goes down. As humans we are conditioned to want the ups, the happy times, the good times, the feast, the parties and the wins. No one wants the downs, the sadness, the hard times, the famine, the funerals and the losses – but they are both part of our lives. You cannot have one with out the other. The Chinese put it in terms of yin and yang – the two need to coexist to create harmony.
We love the good times and we love to win – it’s in our nature to seek these out. It’s also in our nature to enjoy them, you don’t have to work at it, it just happens naturally.
What you need to work on are the bad times and the losses. We’re not equipped to handle them very well. Many people feel persecuted when something bad happens to them – Why me? The reality is that someone loses, someone always does. If there is a 1 in 10 chance of something happening then 9 people don’t have to worry, but there’s that one guy. If it’s a 50/50 chance to win a million dollars yes you could win, but you are just as likely to lose, but we tend to only focus on the winning.
The way to get through life is to understand that there are always risks. There are always winners, and there are always losers. The way to stay sane and be happy – is to be prepared to lose. If you’re prepared to lose then you must be willing to take the loss, and if it works out you will appreciate the win more. Take risks, but be prepared and accept that it might not always work out.
There is a lot of focus in society on winning. To be the best seems to be the only goal some people have. But if you only have eyes for the win, then you will never accept the loss, and you will never really be happy or understand the balance of our existence. Life is not full of wins, it is a balance of wins and losses. Those who focus on the win, that come to expect the win, will never enjoy it as much as those that are willing to take the loss. The reality is that to be the best in one thing, means that you suck at another!
Never be afraid to play the game, to challenge something or someone, or to try and attempt anything. But never expect to always win, and never expect to always lose. It is always harder to take a loss than it is a win, so being prepared to take the loss will always put you in a better mindset than someone who is expecting to win – regardless of the outcome. And if you do lose, it’s not the end of the world.
The important bit is that you dust yourself off and try something else.